Misunderstanding
by nanayoung
Summary: During their fourth conversation (from Karkat's perspective), Karkat comes to a different conclusion about John's behavior. From that, ensues a misunderstanding.


**Misunderstanding**

– carcinoGeneticist [ **CG** ] began trolling ectoBiologist [ **EB** ] –

 **CG:** WHAT

 **CG:** A

 **CG:** FUCKING

 **CG:** MESS.

 **CG:** I MEAN, EVEN AFTER JUST LOOKING AT YOUR SPECTACULAR FAILURE TWO MINUTES AGO

 **CG:** EVEN AFTER EXPERIENCING YOUR COLOSAL FUCK UPS PERSONALLY

 **CG:** EVEN AFTER LOSING OUR PRIZE AFTER ALL THE SHIT WE WENT THROUGH TO GET IT

 **CG:** ITS STILL SO FUCKING UNBELIEVABLE HOW YOU IDIOTS MANAGE TO MESS UP THIS BADLY

 **CG:** WAY TO GO.

 **CG:** IN CASE YOU CAN'T SEE ME, I'M CLAPPING MY HANDS SARCASTICALLY.

 **EB:** hi karkat!

 **CG:** OKAY, SERIOUSLY, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SO GLAD TO SEE ME?

 **CG:** YOU ACT LIKE MY LUCUS WHENEVER I BRING HOME A PILE OF SHIT FOR HIM TO FEAST ON.

 _EB:_ haha, gross!

 **CG:** AND HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?

 **CG:** I WOULDN'T TELL YOU EVEN IF MY AGGRAVATION SPONGE WAS MELTING THROUGH MY EARS

 **CG:** AND ME TELLING YOU WAS THE KEY TO MY SURVIVAL.

 **CG:** I KNOW YOU DIDN'T HACK IT

 **CG:** MOST OF YOU HUMANS HACK EVEN WORSE THAN I DO **,** WHICH IS REALLY SAYING SOMETHING I'M NOT GONNA LIE.

 **CG:** SO I DON'T SEE HOW ELSE YOU MANAGED TO GET MY NAME.

 **EB:** i'm not sure.

 **EB:** i think i learned it over time?

 **EB:** like, terezi may have mentioned your name once or twice.

 **EB:** i dunno.

 **EB:** all of our conversations kind of run together to be honest.

 **CG:** SHOULD HAVE FUCKING KNOWN.

 **CG:** ALWAYS TRYING TO UNDERMINE MY FUCKING ORDERS.

 **CG:** UNBELIEVEABLE

 **CG:** TO THINK SHE WOULD STOOP SO LOW

 **EB:** aw, she's not bad.

 **EB:** she seemed very helpful from our perspective.

 **EB:** time shenanigans aside of course...

 **CG:** JOHN IS IT?

 **CG:** DO ME A FAVOR AND STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY BUSINESS.

 **CG:** I AM THE FUCKING LEADER OF OUR LITTLE BAND OF TROLLS

 **CG:** AND I CAN TREAT MY LACKY HOWEVER I FUCKING WANT YOU BULDGEHUMPING NOOKSMOKING PIECE OF SHITSTENCH.

 **CG:** FUCK

 **CG:** ARE ALL HUMANS THIS NATURALLY NOSY OR IS IT JUST YOU?

 **EB:** sorry!

 **EB:** i was just trying to be nice :(

 **CG:** WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU WANT TO BE NICE TO TEREZI OF ALL PEOPLE

 **CG:** AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY "TIME SHENANIGANS"?

 **CG:** DID YOUR KNIGHT OF TIME MANAGE TO FUCK THINGS OVER EVEN WORSE THAN THEY ARE NOW?

 **EB:** oh, no dave's fine

 **EB:** and as for terezi well…

 **EB:** she just killed me in an alternate timeline.

 **EB:** like... a few hours ago?

 **EB:** wow, it feels like its been years!

 **CG:** WHAT

 **CG:** HOW

 **CG:** I DON'T EVEN

 **EB:** its not that big of a deal

CG: THE FUCK IT ISN'T

 **CG:** WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED

 **EB:** shenanigans.

 **EB:** its not really that important.

 **EB:** but hey!

 **EB:** this is like

 **EB:** your fourth conversation with me right?

 **CG:** WOW

 **CG:** THIS IS SO UNBELIEVABLE

 **CG:** ASTOUNDING REALLY

 **EB:** what?

 **CG:** THE FACT THAT YOU CAN COUNT.

 **CG:** IT'S QUITE POSSIBLY THE MOST AMAZING THING I'VE HEARD ALL DAY

 **CG:** TO THINK A FOOLISH DOUCHY SHITPUPPET LIKE YOU CAN PERFORM BASIC MATH

 **CG:** I CAN NOW HONESTLY SAY THAT I HAVE SEEN ALL THAT PARADOX SPACE HAS TO OFFER.

 **CG:** BUT IN CASE YOU COULDN'T FOLLOW THAT,

 **CG:** YES DUMBASS

 **CG:** THIS IS OUR FOURTH CONVERSATION

 **EB:** haha, it's that early?

 **EB:** i must be really getting close to all of the amazing trolling you do in the future!

EB: its already pretty good from my perspective,

 **EB:** i can't wait for future conversations!

 **CG:** YOU SEE

 **CG:** THAT'S THE THING I DON'T GET ABOUT YOU EGBERT.

 **CG:** I HAVE TOLD YOU ON THREE SEPERATE OCCASIONS HOW MUCH I LOATH YOU.

 **CG:** HOW THE VERY SIGHT OF YOU MAKES MY CHITIMOUS WINDHOLE CLENCH

 **CG:** AND BLEED WITH THE SHEER FORCE OF MY FURY.

 **CG:** YOU ARE AN IGNORANT, DISGUSTING, FAILURE OF A WORM THAT I EVER HAD THE CROTCH BLISTERING MISFORTUNE OF JAWING WITH

 **CG:** AND I HAVE MADE ABSOLUTELY NO ATTEMPT TO HIDE THIS FACT.

 **CG:** AND YET, DESPITE HOW MUCH I'VE TOLD YOU AND SHOWED YOU MY HATE,

 **CG:** YOU KEEP COMING BACK FOR MORE.

 **CG:** IS THERE SOMETHING BIOLOGICALLY WRONG WITH ALL YOU HUMANS

 **CG:** TO MAKE YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO GET MENTALLY KICKED IN THE BULDGE

 **CG:** OR IS IT JUST YOU?

 **CG:** OR...

 **CG:** OR ARE YOU LIKE EQUIUS?

 **EB:** who's equius?

 **CG:** BY THE ELDER GODS OF DERSE

 **CG:** ITS ALL SO CLEAR NOW

 **CG:** WHY YOU SEEM TO LIKE MY COMPANY

 **CG:** WHY YOU TREAT ME SO NICELY EVEN WHEN I'M TEARING YOU APPART

 **CG:** WHY YOU LOOK FORWARD TO ME TALKING TO YOU, EVEN WHEN I TROLL YOU.

 **EB:** ...i don't think i like where this is going :(

 **CG:** YOU'RE GETTING OFF ON THIS

 **CG:** YOU SICK FUCK.

 **EB:** eww, no!

 **EB:** that's not it at all!

 **CG:** IT IS

 **CG:** THERE'S NO DENYING IT

 **CG:** YOU ARE A MASOCHISTIC FREAK. IT ALL MAKES SENSE.

 **CG:** AND TO THINK I'VE BEEN PLAYING TOWARDS YOUR SICK FANTASIES THIS ENTIRE TIME.

 **CG:** FUCK

 **CG:** I FEEL SO VIOLATED

 **CG:** I'M GONNA NEED AT LEAST A FEW MILLION SHOWERS TO WIPE THIS DIRTY FEELING OFF YOU WHIMSICAL INCOMPETENT SHITSUCK.

 **CG:** NOT HOMOSEXUAL MY SHINY WHITE SPINAL CREVICE.

 **EB:** huh?

 **EB:** i told you i wasn't gay?

 **EB:** when?

 **EB:** and why? /eyes suspiciously

 **CG:** FUCK

 **CG:** NEVERMIND

 **CG:** FORGET I SAID THAT

 **CG:** WE BOTH AGREED TO NEVER BRING IT UP AGAIN.

 **EB:** bring what up again?

 **EB:** was it something serious

 **EB:** its okay bro, you can tell me :)

 **CG:** JUST

 **CG:** SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT OKAY.

 **CG:** FUCK THIS WAS SUCH A BAD IDEA

 **CG:** I CAN'T BELIEVE PAST ME WAS SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT.

 **CG:** THE SIGNS WERE ALL THERE

 **CG:** ALL THOSE LITTLE INCONSISTANCES

 **CG:** THOSE LITTLE MOMENTS OF POSITIVITY IN THE FACE OF PAIN AND ANGUISH

 **CG:** NO WONDER OUR ELITE TROLLING SKILLS DIDN'T WORK

 **CG:** YOU WERE ENJOYING IT THIS ENTIRE TIME.

 **EB:** karkat, come on man

 **EB:** this is getting pretty ridiculous

 **CG:** GOD YOU

 **CG:** I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY

 **CG:** I'M TOO DISGUSTED TO SAY ANYTHING

 **CG:** I'M COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY DUMBFOUNDED

 **CG:** SPEECHLESS

 **EB:** you don't sound speechless to me

 **CG:** SHUT THE FUCK UP

 **EB:** look karkat

 **EB:** this is getting way out of hand...

 **EB:** don't you realize how silly this sounds?

 **EB:** i'm not...

 **EB:** any of that

 **EB:** i just consider you one of my friends

 **CG:** LIES.

 **CG:** DO YOU THINK I'M A FUCKING IDIOT?

 **CG:** LIKE I SAID BEFORE, I DIDN'T WRIGGLE OUT OF A PUDDLE OF SLIME YESTERDAY

 **CG:** I'M WELL AWARE OF THE TROLL DISEASE KNOWN AS FRIENDSHIP

 **CG:** AND NOTHING THAT'S EVEN REMOTELY HAPPENING RIGHT NOW IS POINTED IN THAT DIRECTION

 **EB:** … troll disease?

 **EB:** really?

 **CG:** DO NOT TRY TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT YOU GRUBSHITTING FUCKOFF.

 **CG:** I AM ON TO YOU. YOU CAN'T FOOL ME YOU PIECE OF SHIT.

 **CG:** YOU THINK YOU CAN USE ME AS A LIVING THROB STALK AND GET AWAY WITH IT? TO PLAY OFF MY ANGER AND USE IT FOR YOUR SICK FETISHES?

 **EB:** what's a... throb stalk?

 **EB:** and i don't have any fetishes!

 **EB:** at least, i don't think...

 **CG:** NOT EVEN HAVING THE CURTSY TO LET ME KNOW BEFORE HAND, DURING MY FIRST CONVERSATION WITH YOU? YOU HAVE TO HAVE _SOME_ COMMON DECENCY WHEN IT COMES TO THESE THINGS EGBERT.

 **EB:** what things?

 **EB:** karkat, i have no idea what you're talking about

 **EB:** you need to calm down dude

 **CG:** CALM DOWN? IF ANYONE NEED TO CALM DOWN ITS YOU EGBERT.

 **CG:** AND YOU KNOW VERY WELL WHAT THE FUCK I'M TALKING ABOUT. DON'T FUCKING PLAY GAMES WITH ME.

 **EB:** dude this is really getting out of hand

 **EB:** you're acting reeeally nuts, even more than usual

 **EB:** are you okay?

 **EB:** maybe you should get some sleep or something

 **EB:** the last time we talked you said you hadn't slept in weeks!

 **EB:** maybe you should troll me later on, when you feel better

 **EB:** bye!

– ectoBiologist [ **EB** ] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [ **CG** ] –

* * *

 **If you find this hard to read, go to my livejournal nanayoung13 dot livejournal dot com in order to see the original colored version.**


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